Hello everyone! today is a much better day than yesterday.
I am a huge fan of honesty and transparency, so I want to tell you all about the emotional breakdown(s) and arguments of yesterday… but, because this is going out into the world, and this is our blog for a business of making tiny homes for others… I’ll just give you the highlights.
These quotes pretty much sum it up:
- “I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I’d just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway. ” – Jack Handey
- One can go faster. Two can go farther. – Unknown
Yesterday I woke up with concerns. I got out of bed and looked at my reclaimed bedside table that I have painted the most lovely shade of red and thought (mournfully) “I’m not going to have that table in the Tiny House!” I am a little too attached to most of my furniture. Mainly because I spent days sanding it, refinishing it, and painting it with this really awesome technique called vinegar graining.
Although, as much as I love this furniture, I attempted to sell it when I moved from Denver to Prescott 2+ years ago. And everyone loved it… but no one bought it. It’s too expensive to ship it (over $100 to ship this table), so alas, I still have it. And it is stuck to me like glue. Or tar.
I am an artist, when I have time. I love to make things. Sew things, paint things, refurbish things, draw things, bead things, build things. How am I going to do this in a Tiny House? In fact, how am I going to eat? To do yoga? How am I going to THINK?!?
So. With these thoughts on the tiny house grinding around in my brain I walked downstairs to grab some coffee with Shane, who was so excited to go pick up the wood flooring that morning. We hugged. Then I just started talking…. A heartfelt apology… then my mouth opened, the tears flowed, the fears crawled out of my stomach and into our kitchen.
This escalated into disagreements, frustrations, differences of opinions, as our combined stress went toe to toe and left us in the dust. It wasn’t pretty. I don’t know that I’ve ever had any conflict that was. Why is it necessary? The gist of it: I am ponderous, Shane is productive. I think and dream. Shane gets things done. I’m a sheep. Shane’s a dragon.
I have to say, I feel much better today. (in spite of several setbacks yesterday on items for the house that are in my court – procrastination does not pay off). I am still learning how to do this partnership marriage thingy. I really thought I would have had it figured out in a year! Ha. Instead, I will keep on learning, just as we all must. Learn or isolate. Learn or die. I learn the most in difficult, stressful times. But that doesn’t stop me from hating them, and longing for the easy fun giggly times where I can wander around and eat ice cream cones, looking at beetles… or whatever.
So. Why are we moving into 200 sf? I had to go back to this. Go back to my journal entries from February when I was so excited.
- Smaller footprint on the environment. Less coal burned to heat and light the place where we find shelter from the elements.
- Freedom! Freedom from rent, from a mortgage, from working all the time to just put that money into the roof over our heads and the water going down our toilet. Freedom to play more, love more, travel more, dream more, create more. Give something back. Be human beings rather than human doings. (Freedom from my red painted table….)
- Potential… if we can live for $300 a month, think of the money we can save up to buy a bit of land to have a garden, solar panels, rainwater catchment, wind mills, chickens. That is our goal: to be able to sustain ourselves without a daily trip to the grocery store. To be able to labor in the way humans are meant to labor.
- Creation. We are made to create. I want to create something for good. Not cladding the conference rooms of the 1% with Brazilian hardwood out of rainforests and Italian marble out of mountains.
- Ownership. I wish I could think of a better word…. thesaurus: claim, control, possession. Hmmm. Not what I was looking for. I have been renting since I was 17. That’s 15 years of living in other people’s homes, having no freedom to paint the walls, kill the lawn and plant food. It’s getting old.
- Pattern 79 from A Pattern Language: “Your Own Home”. People cannot be genuinely comfortable and healthy in a house which is not theirs. All forms of rental … work against the natural processes which allow people to form stable, self-healing communities.
- I don’t really think possession of the land – and in most cases in the Americas: thievery – is the solution either. Native Americans belonged to a place, they didn’t own it. Until they met the other half. But. Here we all are. Maybe stewardship is what I want. Caretaking. I want to belong to some land. I don’t want to belong to my stuff.
So, I have decided that I really want to live in this Tiny House, pull my “stuff” off of me, and start a new journey. I always have wanted to live in it, to try it. I just have fears! But a wise person once said: “Fear will never completely leave. Just do it afraid.” And you know what, it might not work out! Two people might need more than a 10×10 space each. We shall see. And for me, the benefits are worth the risk.
This is long, and totally unrelated to construction or design. But, it is part of the process. I hope that it helps you in some way.
(In other news: We have an interview with a Phoenix News station set up for next week. (!!!) Yay! Shane emailed two news stations our story and one picked it up.)
thanks all, hope you are well and learning and loving,